


I Didn't Sign Up for This

by IdrisSmith



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Author is on Meds, Crack Fic, Don't worry, F/M, I'm not sorry, Legal Ones that was Prescribed, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Reylo - Freeform, This is pure crack, total crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrisSmith/pseuds/IdrisSmith
Summary: Tension at the base was a normal thing. People fighting, disagreement or even going at each other's throat was ordinary, to say the least with many people and species moving about. However, what wasn't normal was the fact that a lot of people were making unnecessary stops to the medical bay was getting ridiculous, forcing the acting general, Poe Dameron to make an announcement.Curious Cat Prompt: ""Attention, resistance-fighters: We are aware that we have Kylo Ren and General Hux in bacta-tanks, but if the ladies could please stop finding a reason to "have something to do" in that area that would be terrific!""
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 162
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	I Didn't Sign Up for This

**Author's Note:**

> In my defence, I'm under the weather and shouldn't even be up and writing hence why there's an update delay for the multi-chapter. But, crackfic has a way to worm its way into your head and before I know it I was fighting headaches to write this because it sounded hilarious in my head. As usual, this is NOT BETA'd and all mistakes are mine.

The war ended. Many breathed a sigh of relief as the victorious celebrated. From one end of the galaxy, people rejoiced of the peace they haven’t known for a long time. It was both terrifying and liberating, which meant everywhere was buzzing with a flurry of activities. No more so than the resistance base where most fighters and survivors found themselves convening.

In all honesty, Poe Dameron, the reluctant tentative general of what would be the new republic would rather deal with diving headfirst into conflict. He was good at that -- flying into enemy’s territories and winging it. He can’t say he missed the bloodshed, but Poe definitely wished he didn’t have to be stuck behind his desk, sighing as he pressed the button of the comm for a base-wide announcement. It was getting ridiculous, really.

“Attention, resistance-fighters — we are aware that we have Kylo Ren and General Hux in bacta-tanks, but if the ladies could please stop finding a reason to have something to do in that area that would be terrific!” Not something he expected to say this early in the day, but something had to be done.

A familiar chuckle to his left prompted him the end announcement and turn.

“I’d hate to tell you this, but it wasn’t just the ladies,” said Finn with an amused smirk. He was the few people on base who didn’t go starry-eyed at the former—honestly, Poe wasn’t sure what he should call Ren and Hux at the moment. “I could’ve sworn I saw a few lads and—I’m not sure some of them have genders or have specific ones, but my point is the ladies aren’t the only one interested.”

Poe sighed heavily. When they brought back Ren and Hux half-dead back to the base, he didn’t know what to expect. But, he did know to have more than half the base fawning over the two was not one of it. “I know, I know,” he mumbled. “But I’m too exhausted even to think right now.”

“You can’t blame them, though.”

Poe shot Finn a dirty look. “Not you too.”

“Hey, I can look and appreciate,” said Finn with such glee that sent a surge of jealousy through Poe’s veins. “But, you know where I’ve set my eyes on.”

The wiggle of Poe’s brows caused Poe to laugh. They needed it, a bit more laughter, a bit more silliness around the base. Sure, they were rebuilding, but that didn’t mean they can’t enjoy the process. The devastation was real, and they nearly lost everything if it wasn’t for—he hated to admit it, but if it wasn’t for Ren’s change of heart, he didn’t think they stood a chance.

“You better keep those eyes on me,” he said, following the trail of his laugh. Of course, that didn’t last when he heard a ping on his comm. Sighing, he pressed to accept the incoming call. “Yes, how can I help you?”

He might have sounded a little terser than he meant to, but everything was testing his patience.

“Umm…” the familiar voice of one of the med bay staff come online.

“Spit it out.” He regretted his harsh tone as soon as it left his lips. No one deserved scathing response just because he was having a bad day.

“I hate to inform you,” there was a hesitant pause. “But, Rey barricaded the entrance to the med bay.”

Poe swore loudly. Finn was howling on the floor.

“And Tico’s in there with her.”

“I’m on my way,” said Poe, half-annoyed, half pissed out of his mind. He rose from his seat unceremoniously, not even waiting for Finn as he stalked out of his office. It wasn’t too much to ask for one day of peace, was it?

When he got to his destination, he was vaguely aware that Finn was hot on his tail. Though, his focus was on the number of people standing outside of the entrance. Medical professionals, engineers, patients and the nosy able-bodied somehow converged in one location. Most looked amused while some looked murderous. He could hazard a guess why those people are; no one should stand against a doctor and their job.

Reluctantly, he pressed the comm button outside the room, thanking his lucky stars Rey or Rose hadn’t thought to disable them. “Rey, it’s Poe. You have to open up the door.”

There was dead silence for a moment before another familiar voice came through the comm. “Rey can’t come to the comm right now, followed by a fit of giggles.”

It was not what Poe Dameron signed up for when he agreed to become an interim general. He didn’t even want to be in charge. They won’t let him fly for kriff’s sake. And now his two best warriors (at this point, arguably, friends) were turning into a couple of giggling teenagers. He didn’t sign up to be their dad either.

He took a deep breath. “Rose, please open the door.”

“Rose’s not here right now.”

It was Rey, though she wasn’t as giggly as Rose. Somehow the entire thing amused them, and Poe was at wit’s end as to why it was. “We have injured people out here,” he tried to plead to his friends’ sense of whatever at this point, he can’t think. “Can we not do this?”

“There’s another available med by on the other side of the base,” offered Rose through the comm, prompting Poe to swore under his breath again. 

“Which is under renovation,” he replied through gritted teeth. “We can’t use it yet because a lot of the machines are not set up yet.”

“Lucky for you, I finished those for you this morning,” came Rose’s giddy voice again.

What?

On the one hand, another working bay was a great thing. With more and more people coming through the base every day, it was also a good thing. They could use the space, and he appreciated that it finished even a week later than he expected. But Rose wasn’t on the team that meant to set up that area. She was supposed to work on the landing bay. He massaged his temple, feeling the tell of an incoming headache.

“Rose, what did you do?” his voice was low, trying to remain reasonable over an unreasonable situation.

“I realise it was taking far too long for a team of highly capable people and thought, I could land a hand to make it go faster.” There was no trace of regret or shame in Rose’s voice as she spoke. She was good at her job, and Poe can’t fault her from wanting to expedite something, but he questioned her motives.

“And why would you do that?”

Finn was laughing behind him. Full-on belly-laughing, clearly catching on to something he didn’t. The doctors and other medical personnel, upon hearing they have another location they can use, quietly left. Some had an amused grin on their face as he saw when he turned to watch the group leaving them with those who didn’t need to be there.

“I’m just trying to be nice,” replied Rose, sounding as sweet as sugar. 

“You still have to open the door, Rose,” he insisted. “We can’t leave Ren and Hux in there unattended. They need medical personnel monitoring their vitals to make sure they’re on the road to recovery.”

He wondered how he managed to sound like he knew what he was doing.

“I’m sure—”

Finn cut him off before he could say another word. “If Poe can promise to keep a guard out and limit the medical personnel coming in and out of the bay, would you open the door?”

Poe looked at Finn with a questioning look and then it hit him. He was an idiot. “I’ll keep guards at the door, so you can leave you can feel at ease that no one is ogling your boyfriends.”

“No need,” the voice was scratchy, but Poe would know it anywhere. Another sigh escaped him, this time much longer.

“Rey, what did you do?”

“Nothing,” came a quick quip.

It didn’t sound like it was nothing. “Rey!”

“Relax, Dameron.” Ren, Poe knew the voice belonged to Kylo. “Everything’s fine. Rey was—”

“I had to do something!”

They were fighting, and he could hear it through the open comm. Fighting like a dang old married couple. Part of him was thankful that it was that sort of fight; another felt like his patience was at the point where it was paper-thin.

“YOU BET YOUR PALE ARSE I WAS MARKING MY TERRITORY!”

He didn’t need to hear that.

“Finn,” said Poe, turning as he felt years shaved off from his life. “Please make sure Ren has a quarter next to Rey.”

“Do you need to announce that Ren is spoken for?”

He threw Finn a dirty look, but the man didn’t falter, surprising him. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“You didn’t?” asked Finn, looking even more pleased that he was the calm one in the situation. It was a good look on him, but Poe was annoyed nonetheless. “She shipped herself to him, man. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.”

“I SWEAR IF YOU DIE ON ME AGAIN I WILL KILL YOU!” 

The crackling shout startled Poe. But, he accepted his fate at this point and didn’t flinch. He can’t do this job, as soon as they settled, he was going to insist they find someone else for the job. And whoever got the job can deal with the two crazies.

“And Rose?” He had a feeling he didn’t want to know but asked anyway.

“Oh, she helped Ginger escaped.”

They can deal with the four crazies.

**Author's Note:**

> I regret NOTHING! Except the headache, I regret that. Oh well.


End file.
